I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
