So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
