she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
