I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
