Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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