First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
