If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
