I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
