sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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