I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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