my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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