Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
