the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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