Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Jerry, you need to find god
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
