How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
