This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
