so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm sobbing to NWA
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
