every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
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I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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