my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
