At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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