This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I think my moral compass just broke
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
