margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
