I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize