just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Randomize
