apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
