How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
