Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
