Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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