When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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