Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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