I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
