I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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