Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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