Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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