Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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