Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
