We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
