why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
