If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
high people should be assigned attendants
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
