i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
