Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The air was thick with penises
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
