The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
