At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
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oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
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In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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