There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I have feelings that need drinking.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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