guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
my poor anus
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
