I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I touched a dick in church today
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
