She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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