I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
