she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
