TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
