if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
