i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
