Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
