In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
