My hand turned me down
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
