I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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