i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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