How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
