People in love make me want to vomit
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
this boner is exhausting
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize