Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
