Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I woke up under a house in Key West
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
