We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I CAN MOONWALK!
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
