smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Randomize
