I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I queefed so loud it echoed.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
