He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
