im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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