I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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