This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Randomize
